I'm Still Standing - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

Sorry, but that’s the only song that really comes to mind after today. Well, that’s not true, but it’s one of the peppiest songs that comes to mind.

I’m still standing better than I ever did!
Looking like a true survivor,
Feeling like a little kid.

Overall, the Dr. had very good news for me. Although, he did lean toward the pessimistic side. I’ll get into that later.

First with the good stuff. He told me the lump in my chest was nothing to worry about or lose sleep over. While he could not say for sure what it is, he could tell me he was positive that it was benign and that it had nothing whatsoever to do with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I feel like a hundred pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Also, good news is that all my CBCs (blood counts) were well within normal ranges and that if my SED Rate (not sure what that is) is at a normal level, he will consider letting me have my port taken out. So the good stuff just got better.

Here’s where he got all Doubty Mustafa on me. He told me that it use to be if a person that had Hodgkin’s went five years without a relapse, he would say they were pretty much free and clear. But nowadays, people are relapsing after 10 or 12 years. Now see, that kind of talk just does not give off the warm and fuzzies. I will say that he decided not to make me wait 10 years to have the port removed. There’s too much risk for a blood clot after some point.

As it stands, my next appointment with him will be in March and before I go I will need to have a chest x-ray. Until then, no tests unless I just feel like something is off. I will of course keep you updated on whether or not the port will stay or go.

I’m still standing after all this time,
picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind.
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!

Elton John is a master!

I Think I'm A Hypochondriac!

For those of you who don’t know, and if you know me then I don’t know how you could not have known, in early 2009 it was determined that I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Cancer for those not hip with all the different varieties of cancer. I went through several months of chemotherapy and several weeks of radiation. Here it is in late October 2010 and I have been in remission for a year.

I am not a writer by any means, however, as I was going through the whole ordeal I found it quite therapeutic to write down my thoughts and experiences in email and send it to those of you who were interested in how I was getting along. I had – and still have – such a strong support group. I could not have gotten through any of it without the prayers, love and support that my family, friends and co-workers gave me. I am eternally grateful to you and to my Lord for the strength He gave me to get through it all.

Though I’ve been in remission for a year and by all accounts am cancer-free, turns out that being in remission has sparked its own kind of medical issues and problems. I am a person that has gone from never going to the doctor unless there was absolutely no other recourse to becoming a full-fledged hypochondriac.

That’s right. Hi, I’m Kathy and I’m a hypochondriac. Every little thing that doesn’t feel, look or act right is now subject to scrutiny. Some of you may say that it’s understandable. I say it’s very annoying. Look, just follow my thoughts for a second – try to keep up:

My chest hurts. Why does my chest hurt? Probably because I’ve gained some weight and I have acid reflux. OR it could be because I’m having a heart attack. I better take some aspirin and rub my chest until it calms down. HEY what’s that? I just felt a small pea-sized lump by my shoulder/arm pit area while rubbing my chest. It feels wrong. It might be a cyst. Nothing serious. OR it could be a cancerous tumor. Come to think of it, my back is always aching. I know it can’t be from being overweight. So it has to be bad. Bad enough that I should move my 3 month doctor’s visit up two weeks to have it checked out. Man, my head hurts. Couldn’t possibly be from thinking about all this stuff. That tumor in my shoulder/arm is probably making its way to my brain. It’s cutting off my oxygen and I can’t breathe. No I can’t be having an anxiety attack, the tumor has to be creeping into my lungs too. Dang, my chest hurts. Probably from that tumor that has moved from my arm, to my brain, and now down to my lungs.

You laugh and I admit it looks silly, but really, this just went through my mind in the last five minutes. Crazy or do I raise the red flag and go to the doctor? What’s the happy medium? Every little sniff, cough, headache, pain, allergy-induced puffy eye, pimple, or cow-lick is cause for concern in my mind. Now I know what the boy in the bubble must have felt like.

Am I nuts? Am I losing it? … Or is it that pesky brain tumor?