Ten Years Ago ...

Ten years ago, Ten years ago my grandmother, my beloved Nanny, died at the age of 90. The memories I have of Nanny are the best. I could always make her laugh. She's the one in green in the picture, standing next to my Aunt Ruby. Nanny and I were very close and I was devastated. When she died, she had Alzheimer's Disease and didn't know me when she saw me. She died in her sleep. They say that that is the best way to go. Peacefully and while sleeping.

Ten years ago I was sitting in a Biology class at Spalding University, thinking about how I was going to celebrate my 29th birthday, when we were told that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers in New York City. As the horrific events of that tragic day kept unfolding, the desire to celebrate my birthday was squashed. The senseless loss of life on 9/11 forever changed the American way of life, including the way I felt about my birthday. For a time, I thought I would never celebrate my birthday again. They say we should never forget. Never forget those who lost their lives and never forget how to celebrate life.

Ten years ago, my cat of 16 years, the cat I got for my 13th birthday, Mr. Tibbs had to be put down. His kidneys were shutting down, his liver stopped working, he had heart disease and didn't want to be touched. The vet said she could give him drugs to prolong his life, but that if it were her cat, she wouldn't do that. He would still be in pain and not have any quality of life. I was too upset to drive. My parents had to take me to the vet. While I held his paw, Mr. Tibbs took his last breath. I choked back my tears, told him goodbye and that he been the best friend a girl could ever have. I scoped him up in blankets and held him all the way home to bury him. Even my dad cried. It hurt my heart. They say time heals all wounds.

Ten years ago I was going to get my haircut, when my car broke down on a chilly Saturday morning in front of the Mall St. Matthews at a light, stopping traffic. I reached for my cell phone to call for help and it was dead. I beat my head on the steering wheel as passers-by honked their horn, raised their fist in angry aggression and flipped me off for causing them the inconvenience of having to switch lanes on a busy, crowded six lane road. As I prepared myself for the long hike through the Mall parking lot to get to a store to call for help, a young family pulled up beside me, saw my frustration and offered to take me to the Mall to call for help. They say when you least expect it, God sends you an angel.

Ten years ago my great aunt, Nanny's sister, Ruby passed away. She was frail and though I did not get to see her as often as I would have liked, I have very fond memories of her when I was a child. She gave great hugs and had smile that looked every bit as mischievous as I felt. Peas in a pod.Every October, we would go to Southside Baptist Church for the Senior Citizens Bizarre and I would sit with Aunt Ruby and enjoy a hot bowl of chili and whatever piece of cake she brought to the table. Those fall Saturdays were the best, but they have long since passed. They say its not that you go on, but how you go on that counts.

Ten years ago I sat in the parking lot at work. I had gotten out later than usual and waited for AAA to come because my tire was flatter than a pancake. A co-worker who knew the kind of year I was having came out to go to her car, stopped where I was standing, looked at my tire and then looked at my weary face and said, "Man Kathy, I think you must have royally pissed someone off. I would not want to live your life right now." We laughed. Well she laughed and I sort of half grinned and she got in her car to leave. They say things will get better.

Let's face it 2001, for me, sucked. I mean it royally sucked. It was so bad for me that one of my best friends gave me a book for Christmas. It was How To Survive The Worse Case Scenario. Very appropriate. When I opened it, I actually let out a fully bellied laugh. One you might hear and think, "That person has totally gone off their rocker." It was a rough year. It had me and my parents and other family members shaking their heads in disbelief and counting down the days to a new year. When we rang 2002 in, it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I'm not sure who "they" are, but in retrospect, I guess "they" are right. I'm glad my grandmother went peacefully and didn't needlessly suffer. I will never forget those people who lost their lives on 9/11 nor will I ever take for granted how precious everyday God has given me. I will celebrate my birthday with a sense of pride. Pride in how our country united together to get through such a searing loss.

Time does seem to heal the stinging bite that the pain of loss can create. You learn to hang on to your good memories and tend to let go of the hurtful ones. Time can temper and make the harsh events of yesteryear more tenable.

There are people, or angels to some, God sends to you in times of crisis. Whether it be for a lifetime or for a fleeting moment they are there to help you, because you cannot do it alone.

The important thing about going on is that you go on in a manner that honors those lost. With an attitude of, "This too, shall pass," you can accomplish far more than you give yourself credit for. Learn from your past experiences and pass on the things you've learned to those now going through the fire you yourself once walked through. Be there for someone when it counts and let them know that things will get better. As trite as it sounds, it rings true.

Ten years ago, I suffered through one of the worst years of my life and I am the better for it.

Somebody's Praying You Through

I know it's been some time since I've written. Sorry, I'll do better in the future. I have stories but not at this particualr time. I will say I went to the oncologist yesterday and was given another clean bill of health. My visits to him have now been pushed out to every six months. All I can say is that I’m grateful.

Grateful to lab technicians, nurses, the fine folks in the Cancer Resource Center, x-ray specialists, my internist, surgeon, cardiologist, oncologist, even my radiologist – although still skeptical about him, co-workers, church members, prayer warriors, friends, family and most importantly, to God. Indeed, I have a lot to be grateful for.

As much as I would like to do the Happy Kathy Dance right now – it’s not all about me. There are those who have directly and indirectly crossed my path to inspire and encourage me that now themselves need to be lifted in prayer. I will not name them by name, in part to not embarrass them and in part because God knows who is on my heart.

I hope and pray that the final outcome for each one of them is as tremendous as mine has been and continues to be. But in all things, I pray that God’s will be done in each and every case. Unfortunately, God’s will is not always in line with our ideas. I’m as prepared as I can be for whatever comes.

I pray that I can be as big an encourager to them as they have been to me. To inspire them as they have inspired me. To be a prayer warrior for them as they were for me when I needed it most.

I pray that they find relief and comfort in the days ahead. I pray that their families also be lifted up and given the strength they need to help their loved ones through the trials they now must face. I pray that God will wrap His loving arms around them and let them know His presence. Speaking as one who knows, to feel God’s presence - especially in times of despair, is a very comforting feeling. It is a calming effect on an otherwise tumultuous situation. I pray God gives them the peace they all seek.

I pray God sends them all the right people they need to help them navigate through their difficult time. Whether it be doctors, lawyers, social workers – whatever the situation is, I pray that these dear people get the guidance they need. I also pray, they read God’s word. It too can offer peace and calm and guidance.

For those praying for others, never underestimate the power of your prayers. For those not of the praying persuasion, you can still encourage and inspire with kind words and actions. For those needing prayer, just know that somebody’s praying you through.



In Christ’s Love,
Kat
1 Peter 5:7

"No Gnews Is Good Gnews ..."

When I was in third grade, I would go to my friend Vicki's house in the mornings before going to school. We would, among other things, watch TV, drink hot chocolate and beat the snot out of each other with couch pillows. Ah, good times.

One of the shows we watched was called The Great Space Coaster. I don’t remember much about the premise and remember very few characters on there. I do remember a very large, creepy clown that spun around a lot giving all children nightmares because clowns that large are just plain wrong. His name was Baxter and he drove the space coaster around with three gawky, goofy and geeky looking young adults who liked to sing a lot. Too much for my taste. I also remember on one episode Mark Hamill was a guest star and even in third grade I thought, “Wow, this guy’s career has really sunk to an all new low.”

But the one character I remember the most was Gary Gnu. Shock of all shocks, Gary was a gnu. But not just any gnu, he was a gnu newscaster that hosted his own segment called The Gary Gnu Show. He started every show with, "This is Gary Gnu and The No Gnews Is Good Gnews Show. The only TV gnews program guaranteed to contain no gnews whatsoever." His catchphrase was, “No gnews, is good gnews with Gary … Gnu!” I laugh even now remembering. Well, it’s more like a chuckle. Suffice it to say, you’d have to see it to really get the full scope of humor.

He used the “g” sound in front of most words that began with an “n”, like gnature or gnow or, well you get the point. Come to think of it, that probably wasn’t the best educational tool to be showing young minds before school every morning, but I digress.

At this point, some of you are thinking that I’m just rambling, but I have a point. I just have to remember it. Ah yes! The point is that I have gnews for you in regards to my MRI. I do apologize for leaving some of you hanging. It was gnot my intention to do so.

My gnews is really gnon gnews since they didn’t find any problems on the MRI. Yay! While that is most excellent gnews, it begs the question, “What is the deal with the headaches?” I did go back to my general practitioner and he still seems to think I have a sinus infection that just won’t quit. So I have been on another round of antibiotics, some steroids and Sudafed PE. If this doesn’t get it, then I have to see an ENT and hopefully they can clear up the problem. My feeling is that if you are an allergy and sinus sufferer, then this is the worst city in which to live - in the entire world. However, moving seems like an awful lot of work and one of my closest friends just came back here, so it looks like I’ll have to stay and deal with the constant Ohio Valley Crud floating through the air polluting my sinuses. Ah, good times.

I’ll keep you posted, but if it’s a little while before you hear from me, just remember, “No gnews is good gnews!”

"Keep The Candle Burning"

Music plays such an important part of my life. I don’t think I could ever get through a single day without the privilege of hearing my favorite songs. I’ve always said that there is a song for every situation and mood in life or as Matt Brier simply puts it, “For every mood a song, a song for every mood.”

Sometimes I want happy, peppy music that makes me smile and think of puppies, kittens and rainbows. Sometimes I want to hear maudlin music to reflect my sentimental, emotional and self-pitying moods. Sometimes a good lover’s lament song does the trick in realizing how crappy some relationships can really be. Dance music can transform me into a Ginger Rogers, albeit a Ginger Rogers that only busts a move in her chair at work making her co-workers shake their heads wondering things that I probably shouldn’t type here.

Today’s mood music is provided by Point Of Grace. Sometimes I need encouragement and hope. I went for my port flush last week and the port removal surgery that I was so ecstatic about is being postponed to a later to-be-determined date. I’ve been having, my general doctor thinks, sinus pressure issues for months. Unfortunately, some of the symptoms have stepped up their game. I’ll not mention the myriad of issues I’m having, suffice it to say, I’ll be having a MRI/MRA done this week in the brain area.

The song by Point Of Grace is “Keep The Candle Burning” from their Life, Love & Other Mysteries album. This album is the one I listen to the most when I need encouragement. To know that God is still here with me and that He is ready to carry me through whatever circumstances I have going on. I have Vicki Neighbors to thank for introducing me to this album in the mid-90’s. To listen to the songs on this album and know how much God loves us and wants us to rely on Him – in good times and bad, in times of uncertainty and unrest – is all the encouragement I need.

I realize some of you that read this are not Christians and don’t agree with my view on God. I mean no offense, but it is important for me to be clear on this point – I believe God will see me through. I have faith that He will hold me up and pull me through to the other side. That doesn’t mean that just because I’m a Christian and believe in God that I won’t go through bad stuff. Just look at the last two years of my life. But I can say that I am stronger for it and better prepared for the next challenges life throws my way and I know I will never be alone. He will not forsake me. I can’t explain it, but you can’t often explain faith with words.

I don’t often talk about God or religion for several reasons. The first is that I don’t like getting in debates over things I just can’t explain. Having a relationship with God gives me a peace of mind that transcends all understanding. The second is that I do not feel like I am a good representative for God. Like all of us, I do things everyday that disappoint Him. We all fall short of God's glory (Rom 3:23), but I choose to cling to His promise in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

What could be more encouraging than that?

If you get a chance, listen to the song by Point Of Grace:
http://music.aol.com/video/keep-the-candle-burning/point-of-grace/1193464

I'm Still Standing - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

Sorry, but that’s the only song that really comes to mind after today. Well, that’s not true, but it’s one of the peppiest songs that comes to mind.

I’m still standing better than I ever did!
Looking like a true survivor,
Feeling like a little kid.

Overall, the Dr. had very good news for me. Although, he did lean toward the pessimistic side. I’ll get into that later.

First with the good stuff. He told me the lump in my chest was nothing to worry about or lose sleep over. While he could not say for sure what it is, he could tell me he was positive that it was benign and that it had nothing whatsoever to do with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I feel like a hundred pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Also, good news is that all my CBCs (blood counts) were well within normal ranges and that if my SED Rate (not sure what that is) is at a normal level, he will consider letting me have my port taken out. So the good stuff just got better.

Here’s where he got all Doubty Mustafa on me. He told me that it use to be if a person that had Hodgkin’s went five years without a relapse, he would say they were pretty much free and clear. But nowadays, people are relapsing after 10 or 12 years. Now see, that kind of talk just does not give off the warm and fuzzies. I will say that he decided not to make me wait 10 years to have the port removed. There’s too much risk for a blood clot after some point.

As it stands, my next appointment with him will be in March and before I go I will need to have a chest x-ray. Until then, no tests unless I just feel like something is off. I will of course keep you updated on whether or not the port will stay or go.

I’m still standing after all this time,
picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind.
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!

Elton John is a master!

I Think I'm A Hypochondriac!

For those of you who don’t know, and if you know me then I don’t know how you could not have known, in early 2009 it was determined that I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Cancer for those not hip with all the different varieties of cancer. I went through several months of chemotherapy and several weeks of radiation. Here it is in late October 2010 and I have been in remission for a year.

I am not a writer by any means, however, as I was going through the whole ordeal I found it quite therapeutic to write down my thoughts and experiences in email and send it to those of you who were interested in how I was getting along. I had – and still have – such a strong support group. I could not have gotten through any of it without the prayers, love and support that my family, friends and co-workers gave me. I am eternally grateful to you and to my Lord for the strength He gave me to get through it all.

Though I’ve been in remission for a year and by all accounts am cancer-free, turns out that being in remission has sparked its own kind of medical issues and problems. I am a person that has gone from never going to the doctor unless there was absolutely no other recourse to becoming a full-fledged hypochondriac.

That’s right. Hi, I’m Kathy and I’m a hypochondriac. Every little thing that doesn’t feel, look or act right is now subject to scrutiny. Some of you may say that it’s understandable. I say it’s very annoying. Look, just follow my thoughts for a second – try to keep up:

My chest hurts. Why does my chest hurt? Probably because I’ve gained some weight and I have acid reflux. OR it could be because I’m having a heart attack. I better take some aspirin and rub my chest until it calms down. HEY what’s that? I just felt a small pea-sized lump by my shoulder/arm pit area while rubbing my chest. It feels wrong. It might be a cyst. Nothing serious. OR it could be a cancerous tumor. Come to think of it, my back is always aching. I know it can’t be from being overweight. So it has to be bad. Bad enough that I should move my 3 month doctor’s visit up two weeks to have it checked out. Man, my head hurts. Couldn’t possibly be from thinking about all this stuff. That tumor in my shoulder/arm is probably making its way to my brain. It’s cutting off my oxygen and I can’t breathe. No I can’t be having an anxiety attack, the tumor has to be creeping into my lungs too. Dang, my chest hurts. Probably from that tumor that has moved from my arm, to my brain, and now down to my lungs.

You laugh and I admit it looks silly, but really, this just went through my mind in the last five minutes. Crazy or do I raise the red flag and go to the doctor? What’s the happy medium? Every little sniff, cough, headache, pain, allergy-induced puffy eye, pimple, or cow-lick is cause for concern in my mind. Now I know what the boy in the bubble must have felt like.

Am I nuts? Am I losing it? … Or is it that pesky brain tumor?