Not much has happened since the last time I posted. As a matter of fact, I had a six month check-up with the oncologists in January. There was nothing, I mean absolutely nothing of significant interest to convey to you. I couldn’t even make something up in my overactive imagination to even entertain the masses. Everything was normal. Except for the whole superior vena cava thing. And the neuropathy in my toes. And the migraines.
So these past six months I’ve been walking along and looking up at the clouds and seeing the silver lining. You know, the problem with looking up when you’re walking is that eventually, you’re gonna stumble and fall, walk into a pole or wall or at the very least, trip over the crack in the sidewalk.
That happened to me yesterday. I was happily looking up at the silver lining, when BAM … right into the pole. Of course, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and looked back to the clouds and noticed that my silver lining needed some Tarn-X. I hate Tarn-X. It works like mad crazy, but stinks like rotten eggs on the bayou. Point being, I don’t use it unless it is absolutely necessary.
Here’s what happened. I went in for another six month check-up with one of my oncologists. This one is the survivorship doctor. In order for you to get perspective, I need to tell you the back story. Because with me, there is always a back story …
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, before I was even assigned an oncologist, I noticed a small lump behind my jaw, under my ear lobe. Very small, but big enough that I asked the surgeon about it. He looked at it and poked it a few times then hemmed and hawed and decided that it was most likely a swollen salivary gland and that it was nothing to worry about. His exact words were, “Don’t worry about it. You’re getting ready to undergo months of chemotherapy and most likely radiation after that. If it were something to worry about, it won’t be in six or seven months.”
I took him at his word.
After the all the chemo and the radiation the lump, which I shall now refer to as Lumphrey Bogart, or Bogie for short, was still there. However, all my blood tests, CT Scans and PET Scans were normal. I felt it just must be a swollen salivary gland like the surgeon had said. I was declared to be in remission so I figured there was nothing to worry about. So I didn’t.
Fast forward three and a half years of normal blood tests, check-ups, scans and x-rays to about two months ago and I noticed that Bogie was getting a little bit big for his britches. Now I like Bogie. I mean we are connected. We are close. I take him everywhere I go, but the fact remains that he is growing. So that made me think why would he be growing? Do salivary glands grow? Not knowing that answer I Googled the location of all the salivary glands to do a little light reading on the subject. The first thing that popped up in the search was a 3D rendering of the location of the salivary glands. I thought wow this is exactly what I’m looking for. I clicked on the picture and shoot-fire if it wasn’t linked to the Mayo Clinic.
I know I should have looked first, but I got duped and sucked in by the cool 3Dness of the picture. If there is one thing I’ve learned through all the cancer stuff, it’s that you should never look up a medical issue on the Mayo Clinic or WebMD sites or any sites like that. All you’re going to get is a list of possible problems and most of them being the worst case scenario which makes people freak out and run to the doctor’s office with what they self-diagnosed as utterly preposterous issues and most likely not even remotely related to the actual problem. Try looking up a lower back ache on WebMD’s symptom checker. I just did this to prove my point. I do have frequent lower back pain and I have been to the doctor for it. But for the purposes of this discussion I checked lower back pain, went through the series of questions and the following list are the possible issues:
Cauda Equina Syndrome
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Muscle Strain
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Degenerative Disc Disease
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Lumbar (low back) Strain
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Acute Kidney Failure
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Fibromyalgia
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Lumbar (low back) Herniated Disk
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Osteomyelitis (Bone Infection)
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Osteoporosis
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Vertebral Compression Fracture (Lumbar)
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Kidney Stones
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Ankylosing Spondylitis
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Bone Spurs
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Broken (fractured) Low Back Vertebra
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Broken (fractured) Shoulder Blade
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Cervicitis
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Dermatomyositis
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Endometriosis
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Helicobacter Pylori Infection
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Hydronephrosis
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Kidney Infection (Pyelonephritis)
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Lumbar Spinal Stenosis
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Miscariage
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Ovarian Cysts
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Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
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Prementrual Syndrome (PMS)
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Prolpsed Bladder
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Prolapsed Embolism
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Ulcerative Colitis
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Uterine Fibroids
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Vertebral Compression Fracture (Thoracic)
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Aoritc Aneurysm (Abdomen)
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Shingles (Herpes Zoster)
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Spinal Tumor
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Tick Bite
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Endocarditis
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Renal Cell (Kidney) Cancer
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You know what the doctor says is the reason for my back pain? I’m overweight, I have a bulging disc and like my father, I have degenerative disc disorder. Only one of those symptoms was listed as a possibility on WebMD. I’m not saying WebMD won’t come up with the right issue, but I’m saying that you can’t get a proper perspective when you have 37 possible outcomes, most of which are really major medical issues. This is why if you have a problem, you go to the doctor. Once the doctor gives you the answer, then and only then, should you look it up on the web and then only from credible and reputable websites.
I know I just chased a rabbit, but I can’t stress this enough. STOP TRYING TO SELF DIAGNOSE!!!
That being said, after I had a total freak out about all the issues that could be the problem. I actually went to my general practitioner and let him be the one to tell what Bogie’s issue was. He gave me “that” look. The same look I got when I resembled Quasimodo and had a tumor sitting on a nerve in my shoulder. It’s not a comforting look to say the least.
However, being a great doctor, he was honest and said he didn’t know and decided to run a few blood tests and send me off to an ENT. The blood tests came back all within normal ranges. This news made me feel better.
The ENT was nice enough, but he poked and prodded poor Bogie until I thought he was going to make Bogie mad, but to Bogie’s credit he took it in stride. The ENT measured Bogie and said, “Well if it hasn’t gotten any bigger than this in the last four years, it’s probably something you’ll go to your grave with.”
That did not make me feel better. As a matter of fact that was a bit general and it could have gone either way. So my response, which I felt was a reasonable one, was, “Ok. That’s fine, but are you talking about me going to my grave 40 years from now or 40 days?”
He responded, “Meh.”
Really? Meh? That’s hardly comforting. I mean, I know we aren’t promised tomorrow, but dang. He then said that he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but he would wait to look at some older scans from my oncologist. That made me feel better.
This all brings me to yesterday when I had my check up with one of the oncologists. I tried very hard to stress that the ENT doesn’t seem to think it’s an issue. She looked Bogie over, poked around and measured him and said, “CT Scan. We need to do one. It may be nothing, but I don’t like it. Lay down.” That did not make me feel better.
I didn’t even get to say anything before she was pulling the leg extender out from the examining table and lightly pushing me back. She pressed hard on my stomach a few times and asked if anything hurt. I told her nothing was hurting and she said I could sit up. Once I sat back up she said, “CT Scan of your stomach and legs too.” That made me feel even worse. I think I actually winced when she said that.
I said, “What?! Why?! What do you know?!”
She smiled and said in a not so reassuring voice, “Nothing,” then sent me off to have my blood work.
Now do you see why I’m a total hypochondriac? Regardless, I’m scheduled for two CT Scans next week and then the week after I have a follow-up visit with the oncologist. So now I’m in a hurry up and wait mode once again. I’m doing my best to be all “glass half full” and not worry about it until they tell me I have something to worry about, but always in the back of the mind is that nagging feeling that there could be something wrong and that Bogie has turned on me.
I’ll keep you posted with the outcome of the tests. You’ll know what I know when I know it.
-Kat
1 Peter 5:7
