I have a lot to say so I'll do my best to convey the proper emotions in my Reader's Digest version of events. To quote Inigo Montoya, "Let me 'splain. No, there is too much ... Let me sum up." For those you don't know who or what I'm referring to, shame on you. A perfect 80's reference and you missed it. Now go look it up while we wait ...
First and foremost, today is a big day for me. Today, I have been cancer free and in remission for four years!!! Woot!! It's been a long journey thus far and I'm sure the road won't be any smoother in the future. Not because I fear I'll get sick again - even though I do. No, because what I didn't know until having gone through it is that half the battle is in the getting better. The other half is staying well. There is a lot involved in staying well. Way more than you could ever realize. Anyone getting over a major illness knows exactly what I'm talking about. Don't misunderstand, I'd rather be on this side of the fence. I'm very grateful for everyday I'm given and will gladly pay everything I have to stay well. I'm just merely pointing out that your journey doesn't stop once the illness is gone.
I know an alarming amount of people who right now at this very moment are going through their own health struggles. I don't want to name anyone by name, but you people know who you are. I just want to encourage each of you to stay the course and stay strong. Don't let your illness get the better of you. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.
Now on to the sleep study. Or should I say studies. They made me have two. Ugh! I would like to formally lodge my complaint and go on record saying that I think (just me - my opinion only) that sleep studies are junk science. Not for any other reason but that if a person can't sleep in a controlled environment like the one I was in, then what the heck are they studying? If they called them sleepLESS studies then I might be more inclined to get on board.
I had this long, drawn out diatribe on the subject, but have since decided to cut it down to only a few paragraphs. You can thank my mother for that one.
Like I said last time, I know a good portion of you reading this have had a sleep study and as a result probably have a CPAP machine and you love it. I'm happy for you, but for me the sentiment is not the same.
For those who have never had a sleep study, dig this:
Regardless, there I was with a mess of crap hooked up to me and I'm told I had to go to sleep at
9:30 p.m. There is a camera in the room to watch me, an open mic in the room to
hear me and a motion detection device that I'm not even sure what that is for.
My next thought, "Wow. Freaky
freaks watching me sleep." Think about it. If you were watching someone
sleep anywhere else you'd be arrested, but some how in a "sleep
clinic" it's legal? Nah, I'm not buying it.
I was uncomfortable, not the least bit tired and the guy says, "Lights out. And by the way, you need to start out sleeping on your back."
Whoa! Hold on there Babaloo! I don't sleep on my back. I never sleep on my back because it makes my back hurt. A hurt back makes Kathy a mean person. To be fair, I know this about myself - THAT'S WHY I DON'T SLEEP ON MY BACK. I tried to gingerly point this out but he wasn't hearing it.
He flipped out the lights, went to his freaka - monitoring - station and the study supposedly began. Except that he kept coming in every stinking 20 mins. and kept pulling the monitor leads off my body and putting down new ones. He did this several times. Enough that I wanted so badly to ask him if he'd ever done this before.
Two hours later as he was fixing yet something else,
he asked me, "Do you often have bouts of restless sleep like this?"
Really? I mean did he just ask me that? I must say it's at this point that my sarcastic nature came out. I did pretty well up until that point. I replied, "Well let me think. I don't often have a hundred wires stuck to me in various places all over my body, let alone a camera that watches every move I make, a motion detector doing who knows what, an open mic that listens to every sound I make, an unreasonable bed time, no TV, lying flat on my back that is now screaming for a pain killer all the while some random dude comes in and out of my bedroom doing stuff to the wires on my face and legs. So no, I don't think this is a typical night for me."
This seemed to have stunned him. He then told me I could lay on my side if I wanted to. It was a shame that my back hurt so bad at that point I couldn't move.
Going through it once was bad enough, going through it twice was just crazy. The result was me having to have a CPAP machine. I stopped breathing 14.5 times in an hour which is mild to moderate. But I ask, how can you stop breathing .5 times? You either breathe or you don't.
I've been using the CPAP for about 2 1/2 weeks now. There hasn't been a single night that I haven't ripped the thing off my face 2 or 3times and/or felt as if I was going to suffocate wearing it. Isn't that like the opposite of it's desired effect? I hate it and think it's of the devil. Mojo doesn't think much of it either. The first night I had it on and he jumped on the bed was classic. If cats could speak human, he would have said, "What the *obscene cat expletive* is that thing eating your face off?" I had to laugh but then that made me choke because you shouldn't open your mouth with a CPAP on. Really. Don't do it. I wished that I had had a camera handy though, because he looked a lot like this:
I hope that I'll eventually get used to the CPAP or that's a bunch of wasted time and money the ENT made me waste for not even coming close to helping me with the issue I went to see him for. I'm going to ask for a new ENT. I don't like Dr. I'm Not Listening to your issues. He's had two chances. I can't mess around and not have this sinus pressure thing taken care of.
But today, he's off the hook, because today marks my 4th year Remission Anniversary. Next year, I'm throwing myself a big party. Mark your calendars because you're probably invited!
Love to you all!
- Kat
1Peter 5:7
