"Keep The Candle Burning"

Music plays such an important part of my life. I don’t think I could ever get through a single day without the privilege of hearing my favorite songs. I’ve always said that there is a song for every situation and mood in life or as Matt Brier simply puts it, “For every mood a song, a song for every mood.”

Sometimes I want happy, peppy music that makes me smile and think of puppies, kittens and rainbows. Sometimes I want to hear maudlin music to reflect my sentimental, emotional and self-pitying moods. Sometimes a good lover’s lament song does the trick in realizing how crappy some relationships can really be. Dance music can transform me into a Ginger Rogers, albeit a Ginger Rogers that only busts a move in her chair at work making her co-workers shake their heads wondering things that I probably shouldn’t type here.

Today’s mood music is provided by Point Of Grace. Sometimes I need encouragement and hope. I went for my port flush last week and the port removal surgery that I was so ecstatic about is being postponed to a later to-be-determined date. I’ve been having, my general doctor thinks, sinus pressure issues for months. Unfortunately, some of the symptoms have stepped up their game. I’ll not mention the myriad of issues I’m having, suffice it to say, I’ll be having a MRI/MRA done this week in the brain area.

The song by Point Of Grace is “Keep The Candle Burning” from their Life, Love & Other Mysteries album. This album is the one I listen to the most when I need encouragement. To know that God is still here with me and that He is ready to carry me through whatever circumstances I have going on. I have Vicki Neighbors to thank for introducing me to this album in the mid-90’s. To listen to the songs on this album and know how much God loves us and wants us to rely on Him – in good times and bad, in times of uncertainty and unrest – is all the encouragement I need.

I realize some of you that read this are not Christians and don’t agree with my view on God. I mean no offense, but it is important for me to be clear on this point – I believe God will see me through. I have faith that He will hold me up and pull me through to the other side. That doesn’t mean that just because I’m a Christian and believe in God that I won’t go through bad stuff. Just look at the last two years of my life. But I can say that I am stronger for it and better prepared for the next challenges life throws my way and I know I will never be alone. He will not forsake me. I can’t explain it, but you can’t often explain faith with words.

I don’t often talk about God or religion for several reasons. The first is that I don’t like getting in debates over things I just can’t explain. Having a relationship with God gives me a peace of mind that transcends all understanding. The second is that I do not feel like I am a good representative for God. Like all of us, I do things everyday that disappoint Him. We all fall short of God's glory (Rom 3:23), but I choose to cling to His promise in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

What could be more encouraging than that?

If you get a chance, listen to the song by Point Of Grace:
http://music.aol.com/video/keep-the-candle-burning/point-of-grace/1193464

I'm Still Standing - Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

Sorry, but that’s the only song that really comes to mind after today. Well, that’s not true, but it’s one of the peppiest songs that comes to mind.

I’m still standing better than I ever did!
Looking like a true survivor,
Feeling like a little kid.

Overall, the Dr. had very good news for me. Although, he did lean toward the pessimistic side. I’ll get into that later.

First with the good stuff. He told me the lump in my chest was nothing to worry about or lose sleep over. While he could not say for sure what it is, he could tell me he was positive that it was benign and that it had nothing whatsoever to do with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I feel like a hundred pound weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Also, good news is that all my CBCs (blood counts) were well within normal ranges and that if my SED Rate (not sure what that is) is at a normal level, he will consider letting me have my port taken out. So the good stuff just got better.

Here’s where he got all Doubty Mustafa on me. He told me that it use to be if a person that had Hodgkin’s went five years without a relapse, he would say they were pretty much free and clear. But nowadays, people are relapsing after 10 or 12 years. Now see, that kind of talk just does not give off the warm and fuzzies. I will say that he decided not to make me wait 10 years to have the port removed. There’s too much risk for a blood clot after some point.

As it stands, my next appointment with him will be in March and before I go I will need to have a chest x-ray. Until then, no tests unless I just feel like something is off. I will of course keep you updated on whether or not the port will stay or go.

I’m still standing after all this time,
picking up the pieces of my life
without you on my mind.
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!
I’m still standing – yeah, yeah, yeah!

Elton John is a master!

I Think I'm A Hypochondriac!

For those of you who don’t know, and if you know me then I don’t know how you could not have known, in early 2009 it was determined that I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Cancer for those not hip with all the different varieties of cancer. I went through several months of chemotherapy and several weeks of radiation. Here it is in late October 2010 and I have been in remission for a year.

I am not a writer by any means, however, as I was going through the whole ordeal I found it quite therapeutic to write down my thoughts and experiences in email and send it to those of you who were interested in how I was getting along. I had – and still have – such a strong support group. I could not have gotten through any of it without the prayers, love and support that my family, friends and co-workers gave me. I am eternally grateful to you and to my Lord for the strength He gave me to get through it all.

Though I’ve been in remission for a year and by all accounts am cancer-free, turns out that being in remission has sparked its own kind of medical issues and problems. I am a person that has gone from never going to the doctor unless there was absolutely no other recourse to becoming a full-fledged hypochondriac.

That’s right. Hi, I’m Kathy and I’m a hypochondriac. Every little thing that doesn’t feel, look or act right is now subject to scrutiny. Some of you may say that it’s understandable. I say it’s very annoying. Look, just follow my thoughts for a second – try to keep up:

My chest hurts. Why does my chest hurt? Probably because I’ve gained some weight and I have acid reflux. OR it could be because I’m having a heart attack. I better take some aspirin and rub my chest until it calms down. HEY what’s that? I just felt a small pea-sized lump by my shoulder/arm pit area while rubbing my chest. It feels wrong. It might be a cyst. Nothing serious. OR it could be a cancerous tumor. Come to think of it, my back is always aching. I know it can’t be from being overweight. So it has to be bad. Bad enough that I should move my 3 month doctor’s visit up two weeks to have it checked out. Man, my head hurts. Couldn’t possibly be from thinking about all this stuff. That tumor in my shoulder/arm is probably making its way to my brain. It’s cutting off my oxygen and I can’t breathe. No I can’t be having an anxiety attack, the tumor has to be creeping into my lungs too. Dang, my chest hurts. Probably from that tumor that has moved from my arm, to my brain, and now down to my lungs.

You laugh and I admit it looks silly, but really, this just went through my mind in the last five minutes. Crazy or do I raise the red flag and go to the doctor? What’s the happy medium? Every little sniff, cough, headache, pain, allergy-induced puffy eye, pimple, or cow-lick is cause for concern in my mind. Now I know what the boy in the bubble must have felt like.

Am I nuts? Am I losing it? … Or is it that pesky brain tumor?