I Think I'm A Hypochondriac!

For those of you who don’t know, and if you know me then I don’t know how you could not have known, in early 2009 it was determined that I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Cancer for those not hip with all the different varieties of cancer. I went through several months of chemotherapy and several weeks of radiation. Here it is in late October 2010 and I have been in remission for a year.

I am not a writer by any means, however, as I was going through the whole ordeal I found it quite therapeutic to write down my thoughts and experiences in email and send it to those of you who were interested in how I was getting along. I had – and still have – such a strong support group. I could not have gotten through any of it without the prayers, love and support that my family, friends and co-workers gave me. I am eternally grateful to you and to my Lord for the strength He gave me to get through it all.

Though I’ve been in remission for a year and by all accounts am cancer-free, turns out that being in remission has sparked its own kind of medical issues and problems. I am a person that has gone from never going to the doctor unless there was absolutely no other recourse to becoming a full-fledged hypochondriac.

That’s right. Hi, I’m Kathy and I’m a hypochondriac. Every little thing that doesn’t feel, look or act right is now subject to scrutiny. Some of you may say that it’s understandable. I say it’s very annoying. Look, just follow my thoughts for a second – try to keep up:

My chest hurts. Why does my chest hurt? Probably because I’ve gained some weight and I have acid reflux. OR it could be because I’m having a heart attack. I better take some aspirin and rub my chest until it calms down. HEY what’s that? I just felt a small pea-sized lump by my shoulder/arm pit area while rubbing my chest. It feels wrong. It might be a cyst. Nothing serious. OR it could be a cancerous tumor. Come to think of it, my back is always aching. I know it can’t be from being overweight. So it has to be bad. Bad enough that I should move my 3 month doctor’s visit up two weeks to have it checked out. Man, my head hurts. Couldn’t possibly be from thinking about all this stuff. That tumor in my shoulder/arm is probably making its way to my brain. It’s cutting off my oxygen and I can’t breathe. No I can’t be having an anxiety attack, the tumor has to be creeping into my lungs too. Dang, my chest hurts. Probably from that tumor that has moved from my arm, to my brain, and now down to my lungs.

You laugh and I admit it looks silly, but really, this just went through my mind in the last five minutes. Crazy or do I raise the red flag and go to the doctor? What’s the happy medium? Every little sniff, cough, headache, pain, allergy-induced puffy eye, pimple, or cow-lick is cause for concern in my mind. Now I know what the boy in the bubble must have felt like.

Am I nuts? Am I losing it? … Or is it that pesky brain tumor?